Space for grace

spring-bud

What’s grace?

It’s difficult to define. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, grace is:

a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b : a virtue coming from God
c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

It’s something to do with divine and God.

And what is divine and what is God?

More and more description and words, in the attempt of describing something undescribable, something beyond words.

Every breath

Every move

Every sunrise

Every morsel

Every sip

Every heartbeat

Everything

is Grace

I wrote the above almost a year ago.

Grace is everything, and everything is grace. The more I realize that, the more I just let life flows. Allow. Open.

What was stopping me from letting life flow?

Conditioning. Fear. Afraid of not being accepted, afraid of being alone, etc. And thus I conformed with the conditioning of society – eg: study, get a degree, graduate, find a job, find a husband, build a career, buy a car, buy a house, go for a holiday, buy a fancier car, buy a bigger house, go for a more exotic holiday, and so on and so forth. And there’s no end in sight – there’s always something more, better, bigger, fancier.

This pursuit of ‘more’ made my life cluttered. Full of excess baggage. Not only physical but also mental. The more cluttered, the less space…

Without space, grace couldn’t flow – and it felt like I was swimming against the current.

I was unhappy, but too afraid to do anything because of fear; fear of being different, fear of failure, fear of not accepted by others. Until I realized that it was my fear that made me so clingy, too afraid to let go.

Facing the fear, I let things go. Clear out some stuff. And create space. Soon, with all the space, grace started flowing.

Cultivate space for grace, and grace will flow.

Image from 7-themes

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The one thing I feel most blessed with

15203457290_83cd781efa_b Another writing prompt from Live Your Legend blog challenge: “What’s one thing you’re proud of?” I’m kinda stuck thinking of the answer to that question and so I search for the meaning of the word ‘proud’. Definition of proud: feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.

I think the prompt will work better for me like this: “What’s the one thing you feel most blessed with?” Why? Because all the achievements, qualities, and possessions, they’re not mine, they are all divine grace. I have nothing to be proud of, I just have everything to be grateful for. Before choosing the one thing I feel I’m most blessed with, I wrote a list, and the list is so long. Here’s a recap from that long list:

  • this lifetime, this incarnation
  • each moment & each breath
  • circumstances (family & friends, means to live, roof on top of my head, enough food, etc)
  • healthy body & sound mind
  • all the experience I’ve been through, the lessons I learned
  • guidance, in many forms (parents, teachers, guru, books, etc)
  • finding out what I’m passionate about and the opportunities to pass it on
  • and many other things

At first I thought that the one thing I’m most blessed with, is the presence of a living guru in my life. I’m fortunate Universe arranged his presence in my life in an ‘easy’ way. I wasn’t particularly looking for a guru, I didn’t have that strong yearning for one. I didn’t go through abusive gurus (surprisingly abusive gurus are quite common!) I did spend sometime in a very guru-centric community but I didn’t felt the connection with that particular guru so I didn’t take initiation or anything. How did I find my guru? I was surfing the internet when Sri Google led me to his blog, and the rest is history.

The presence in one’s life of a living teacher is an immense opportunity and privilege. The Guru accomplishes many things for us, accelerating our progress and shortening the time till our own realisation by many incarnations.
~ Jogyata Dallas.

He lifted my veil of avidya (ignorance), he uncovered my eyes and now I can see. He guided me to navigate through the ocean, so I’m not just floating aimlessly anymore, but making my way to cross the ocean. He helped me to get in touch with the inner Guru. My life has been transformed (and continues to transform) since then.

And with this transformation I can see more clearly, and sometimes in this clarity I can see things as they really are. And with this clarity I know that the one thing I’m most blessed with, is NOW, this moment. This moment is the only time I can experience anything and everything. This moment becomes the past, and the future becomes now, but now is all I have, now is everything I have, so now is the one thing I’m most blessed with. And now encompasses everything.

So I try my best to remember this every moment, remember that everything is divine grace, that this very lifetime itself is a blessing. And live me life fully from this now to another now, moment to moment.

Image credit: “and bless this spot in particular” by peterned

Was blind, but now I see

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If your eyes are open, you’ll see the things worth seeing
~ Rumi

Growing up through Christian & Catholic school, I’m familiar with the song Amazing Grace. But it was just another church song to me, it sounds nice but I didn’t really understand the meaning. Until recently, after experiencing grace first hand. Just like the song lyric: Was blind, but now I see.

I went to church every Sunday, taught that Jesus Christ is the saviour, but didn’t really understand what that means. I read the bible just to memorize certain verse, recite it correctly in Sunday School, and collect golden star stickers. I prayed to God the Father Almighty. I could recite Our Father prayer by heart. I believed in heaven and feared hell. In my mind heaven was green pastures with lions and lambs living side by side, and hell was fiery dungeon where sinners were skinned alive hanging upside down above a big pot of boiling oil.

I didn’t remember when and why I stopped believing. I stopped praying, I stopped going to church. It became awkward when people ask “What’s your religion?” I say “My identity card says I’m christian, but I don’t go to church.” Because I know most people who ask that kind of question would either want me to go to their church, or if I’m not christian/catholic they usually would want to tell me about the saviour. I didn’t want to go to into that “My religion/church/God is better than yours” conversation. And yes Indonesian identity card have religion on it; it’s really silly. Things are changing now – there’s some discussion about deleting that.

Along the way I got to know more about yoga and Buddhism, and found them very similar. I started to appreciate Buddhism more, beneath all the rituals there are things that I can understand. For a writing assignment about a yogi that inspired me, I chose Siddharta Gautama as my subject. When people ask me what’s my religion, I say Buddhism because it’s a simple answer and it’s the closest to what I believe. If they ask further they’ll find out that I don’t really go to any temple or do any rituals.

Fast forward a few years, to make the story short, I grew spiritually. Universe arranged for me conditions in which I could keep growing up spiritually. And arranged the presence of a living guru in my life, that gave me a boost of spiritual growth. I come to understand that all religion is just different paths towards the same peak. And rituals are reminders often lost in translation. Here’s a story my guru narrated that shows how something become rituals.

Once upon a time in an ashram, lived a spiritual teacher. The teacher had been practicing for a long time. One fine day, while the teacher was peeling potatoes, he experienced samadhi. Afterwards the teacher told his students about his experience of samadhi. One of the student asked “Teacher, what were you doing when it happen?” And the teacher said “I was peeling potatoes”. Not long after that the teacher passed away. 10 years later, if anyone come to that ashram, the first thing he notice is that everybody is peeling potatoes.

Now when people ask me what’s my religion, I simply say I have a personal relationship with God. Sometimes they insist – “But WHAT is your religion?” Then I have to explain that I communicate with God personally, I don’t do it through religion. Some look at me in disbelief, and probably think “Blasphemy!” but that’s my truth. And I use the word God because it’s easier to be understood, despite many misuse of that word. I can replace the word God with Universe, or Nature, or Divine Mother, or Brahman, or Consciousness, and what I meant is still the same. I’m not saying religions are unnecessary, they are different paths toward the same goal. If walking that particular path works for you, that’s really great, keep going. It wasn’t working for me, so I chose to tread my own path.

When I used to pray back then, my prayers were like a letter to Santa. God please give me this and this and that. God if you give me X I will do Y. God please make bad things go away and good things come. As if God our personal butler. Now when I say I communicate with God, I just bask in remembrance of God as often as possible. I humbly offer God my gratitude for everything, because everything is God’s Grace. I have nothing else to offer to God, after all what can I offer when everything is from God anyway? All I could do is try to be as clear and pure as possible, so I may become an effective medium, a conduit, to channel or reflect God’s light.

I was blind, but now I see. Who/what unblinded me? God’s Grace, through my guru. Here is a sloka from Guru Stotram:

Ajnana timi raandhasya jnananjana shalakaya
Caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namaha

Translation: I was born blind in the darkest ignorance, and my guru opened my eyes with the torch of knowledge. I offer my respectful obeisances unto him.

So now I see, and now I’m able to appreciate this beautiful song.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

Image from http://www.forwallpaper.com